That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
