i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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