There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
