I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize