I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
