Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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