we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
