Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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