My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you win again, gameday.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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