i just wanna soil my oats bro
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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