So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
