How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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