He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
