First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
