Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
