dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
