I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
