i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
