is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
