I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
