I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it glows. i had to have it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
