Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
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