get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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