weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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