Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
