My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
