I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
