Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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