wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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