I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
