thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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