$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
