You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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