I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
