He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
