I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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