this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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