the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I cut my penus on the lid.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
