Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
