Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
