tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
