I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
