I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize