last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
