i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
