I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
