I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
