i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
