Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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