hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
