He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My feet surprised me
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