Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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