I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
