Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
