She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she smelled like a LAN party
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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