i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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