Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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