I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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