i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
