Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
