Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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