DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
