she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
