Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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