He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
