i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
NoShamevember. You game?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Let's get the cat blown out
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
